Tomorrow is Friday. That will bring my four day work week to an end. But, somehow, it feels like I’m coming to the end of a 44 day work week. I can’t believe Tuesday was just two days ago. I mean, it was such a long day yesterday that by the time I got home, just stepping into a light veneer of water on the basement floor and getting my toes wet was enough to make me stumble up the stairs, toss myself onto the couch, and burst into tears. In my defense, I think my body was still trying to level out its blood sugar since I had a few handfuls of animal crackers around 7:30 in the morning and nothing else to eat until 7:15 in the evening.
Let’s be honest — or at least as honest as people can safely get on a public blog. Sometimes life just seems impossible. I’m not in the middle of crisis, and if I compare myself to others, I’m surely in better shape than them. And, quite frankly, that realization makes me mad — because it makes me feel bad that I feel bad. There I said it (and I have a feeling I didn’t shock any readers because they’ve probably thought it). So, for a few minutes, I’m going to be self-centered. I’m going to say that it’s not fun to make half of a check mark on a to do list only to look down and see that in the meantime, I now have to
- file employment paperwork
- be part of a marketing campaign
- read a 180 page book to prepare for a retreat happening in two weekends that you just found out I was going on two days ago
- clean the basement to be ready for my parents who decided to make a rather abrupt vacation visit to help with house projects
- make sure pizza shows up at the senior class homecoming booth
- schedule classes 9 months into the future when I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast two days ago and don’t even know yet what I’ll wear tomorrow
- be enthusiastic about student topic proposals that are good and offer a guiding hand to those that need a little more refinement
and on and on and on… I don’t want to bore anyone with the details (or see all them in stark black and white right now).
The bottom line, though that list seems very whiny, is that all those things on the list are good things (or lead to good things).
But, the other bottom line is that I’m one person. I have 24 hours in a day. And, I can only go for about 12 productive hours of that day before I literally start to walk in circles wondering what it was I was supposed to be doing. At that point, I’ve learned to throw my hands in the air and give up for the day because chances are whatever I attempt to do will only contain mistakes that I have to fix later.
It occurred to me though that God probably had a to do list today that looked something like this
- listen to all the people really ticked off that their basements and neighborhoods are flooding
- mourn over the wars and injustices that have left tens of thousands of people starving in Africa
- reminded one (okay, thousands) of followers that they should not return to destructive choices (again)
- orchestrate events in the individual lives of thousands of people so they can turn around and say, “That was clearly all God because there was no other way”
and, I’m sure God’s list went on and on and on.
And, so, I thought it might be a good idea to do a reality check and look up some aspirational verses to carry me through the next couple of weeks of what will probably border on pandemonium:
When I’m asked questions that slow down my plan:
Ephesians 4:2 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
When I see someone doing something I think is stupid (which oddly enough, I notice more when I’m cranky):
Matthew 7:3-4 – “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?”
Galatians 6:1 – “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.”
When I feel alone:
John 15:5 – “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
When I want to fling myself on the couch and burst into tears again:
Matthew 11:28 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Galatians 6:9-10 – “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. “
Philippians 4:4 – “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”
I’m not going to lie. I’m still grumpy. The last one on the list might kill me. But, I’m going to get some sleep, and I’m going to wake up, and I’m going to make the most of Friday. I’m not going to get mad at myself for realizing that I’m only one person, and I’m going to try to trust God’s existence as an amazingly omnipresent being a little bit more.