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Potty time

T-minus two hours until the long Labor Day weekend ends. I’m a little ready to go back to work tomorrow because it would be nice to start settling into some semblance of a routine. However, I’m also a little bummed because there are so many projects that I started this weekend but just didn’t quite complete. That means that not only are they not complete, but my downstairs, which I was doing pretty good at keeping neat and tidy, is all cluttered up with projects again. Gr…it is what it is. I’m not very good at setting up realistic to do lists and executing them. I hope that I can get some additional projects knocked out over the course of the week and get pictures posted of the few that I did get done.

I’ll skip the picture for tonight’s project though. I doubt many people are interested in seeing a picture of my powder room toilet. Really, it’s just an average toilet — an average toilet that had a serious problem. I’m not sure exactly why the toilet manufacturers can’t raise the price of the toilet in a box kits and just give people decent toilet seats from the start. I’ve had to go out and get new toilet seats for both of the toilets in my house because the seats that came with the toilet would not stay in place. It’s as if some brainless toilet engineer sits around thinking, “People have no business buying toilet in a box kits. To punish them for their convenience seeking ways, I’ll mess up what should be a rather simple design, and I will give these consumers a scare each and every time they sit on the toilet. I shall design the seat so it is impossible to attach securely to the bowl of the toilet.”

To those engineers I say, “You nearly dumped a poor innocent freshman girl in the toilet.”

Yes, the toilet downstairs was a particularly bad design. I won’t try to describe the design other than to say that the seat wouldn’t just get loose, it would actually detach from the toilet on occasion. Before the freshmen got here for faculty home visits, I was cleaning the bathroom and realized the toilet seat was falling off again. I hastily fixed it, thoroughly annoyed to be consuming precious pre-guest prep moments on a toilet — again. But, then one of the girls went into the bathroom, and I heard a thunk and a squeal. She came running out and said, “This is not a good first impression; I think I broke your toilet!”

I felt so bad for her. That was the last straw, so today I went into Home Depot and picked up the Whisper Close toilet seat with a STATITE seat fastening system that promises to never loosen. The box also promises that the seat “slowly and quietly closes with a tap eliminating slamming and pinched fingers.” Um… I get the slamming part (and get that the box designer doesn’t know when to use commas). No one likes to be half asleep in the bathroom at night only to be jarred to a fully alert state by having the seat slam, but pinched fingers??? I’ve got to say, I’m a little puzzled that this is a merit worth advertising. Perhaps I’m more graceful and coordinated than I typically give myself credit for since I don’t think I’ve ever come close to pinching my fingers in the toilet seat. Does that really happen to people?

At any rate, I got the seat on. The box claimed that it would be easy to install. I didn’t need an engineering degree, but I did have to make two trips to the basement for tools, so I’m going to say it was moving towards intermediate installation — or perhaps advanced beginner. At any rate, most toilet seat installations don’t require tools, but this one did. Maybe that is why the seat should never fall off.

So far, it seems ok. The seat has a tiny bit of side-to-side play, but it certainly shouldn’t detach from the bowl completely anymore. For this I am glad because I’ve been working on my hospitality skills, and dumping people into my toilet seems less than hospitable.

I do hope the seat lasts though because the cleaning instructions say that I need to “wash it only with mild, soapy water; rinse the seat thoroughly with clear water; and dry with a soft cloth.” Really? Dry with a soft cloth. These directions make it sound like I’m washing fine crystal instead of a toilet seat. They also say to avoid disinfectants or cleaning products in aerosol cans. Uh…I think not. It’s a toilet seat, and I, for one, think toilet seats should be disinfected from time to time. Am I alone in this impulse? It seems gross not to. But, I hope I don’t disintegrate the seat. With it’s never loosen technology, I’m not sure how I’ll get the seat off if I do ruin it.

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